Jimbo's Slice of life: Top 13 movies of 2013 [tumblr re-post]

Top 13 movies of 2013May 18, 2014 by reostzombie13

Usually I get these done much sooner. Like as in the first days of the new year, which since I started this I believed may have been too soon but if I didn't get it in that soon I would post my list a month and half too late when folks would stop giving a care. Well, it did give me the chance to catch up on a couple movies, which is fantastic cause the format I do this by sometimes forces me to put movies on the list I haven't seen. Only reason it's this late is cause I really didn't have a computer around New Years as it crashed on one of my worst Christmas ever and that's not just cause of my computer crashing but it sure didn't help.

Okay, this isn't particularly a straight forward list. The reason there is 13 instead of 10 or whatever number kids like these days is that so every month(film release) has a chance to make it on the list. Number 13 is for the wild card. I feel too often especially when it comes to the Oscars favorite list are always more lenient towards more recent openings than older ones. This format forces me to consider them all.

For reference sake here's 2012's top 13 movies.

13. Gangster squad (January) D

Remember the Untouchables, well this a dumber version of that. I get Brolin's character was relentless on taking the main bad guy down but was pulling stupid move after stupid move killing his own guys. Like when one of his crew members would die I would blame Brolin than I would of Sean Penn's gang. The movie was quite forgettable. Only bit that did stand out was Ryan Gosling's character trying to take Penn's off hands girl. There was no relationship like that in the Untouchables but even that left things a bit confusing as it was hard to tell whose is on who. Well, it still made thee list but I spent my whole time smack my head rather than cheering for Sean Penn to get brought down. Also, was Sean Penn acting or was he playing his typical douchey self? Probably only reason I wanted to see good guys win is to see Sean Penn get taking out.

12. Carrie (October) C-

Carrie was a pretty shallow movie, which I'm sure the filmakers of it didn't even know the definition of subtlety. Biggest problem a lot of stuff is assumed as if we already seen the original. The only character I was really rooting for was the principal, who couldn't handle talk about femininity. It made me chuckle. Acting was great especially from Juliane Moore. She was the reason I was excited to see this remake in the first place but still can't get invested without knowing the reasoning behind the great madness. In the end even though it wasn't Carrie's fault for being the way she was, she just wasn't likeable. The funny part about this is that it almost seemed like the mother was the hero in the end for trying to stop her. WTF? Go Mom and Principal!

Also, another factor that took me out of this was the massive amount of CGI used. Here body didn't even look real with the way they had to add that special effect. It's a common downfall personally when movies use it especially when it isn't needed as proven by the original. In the that's it's main downfall is that Carrie 2013 didn't find a reason to exist and actually relies on the original for character development. Her powers became so obvious and powerful so quickly. I get it's not the first assumption of those around her is that it's not mistical powers but how could they not when it's so very blatant.

Guess this goes in front of Ganster Squad cause it did have it's creative moment and a couple characters I cheered for but at the theatars I practically zoned out.

11. Identity Thief (Feb) C

This movie had such a great combination of things going for it but it just felt short of hitting the comedy jackpot. When first viewing I didn't know why. I kind of am a sucker for comedies with a bad girl female lead like Bad Teacher. It's hard to hit that right note of obnoxious without going too far and becoming Roseann(the show was good the character was not). Guess the main problem is the movie felt tv showish with the plot not being strong and needing obvious bases here and there. This should've been a Planes Train and Automobile like clash of characters but neither character had enough depth. Heck, Melissa Joan Hart was almost more likeable just cause she had more depth than Mr.IHaveFamily. The gangster chase made sense but seemed forced. Actually the actors did an enjoyable job but were so clownish it was tough to take them as any threat. Favorite part with the gangsters is when TI is being threatened to get in the trunk and TI respond by telling the bounty hunter to shoot cause he ain't going in no trunk and then a second later after he cocks the gun I'll be getting my ass in the trunk.

There was certainly joy to be had in this flick with its premise but no bits that had be dieing. The ending of it was pretty fitting but it probably could've happened much sooner, which shouldn't be the case with a feature film.

*Safe Haven (Feb runner up) C

https://31.media.tumblr.com/e2c3c88c7840053a2204315882378c0e/tumblr_mw22beP6VZ1qgwefso7_r1_250.gif

10. Wolverine (Aug) C+

I almost put Identity Thief in front of Wolverine but decided not too cause Wolverine had a better story structure and it's rewatchabilty(?) factor is higher.

Was very hesitant about this film cause there was so much failure with the first Wolverine flick. That one had so much importance going into it with the duty of explaining the numerous flashbacks during the other X-Men films. In the end it just build the Wolverine's origins story to it's most basic form and tried to make up for it with numerous Marvel cameos. As if they didn't the Wolverine character was strong enough to hold it's own film. This one definitely wasn't plagued with that problem which I give a nod for such improvement. Also, another factor that had me enjoying it more was the fact it was based in Japan and the movie seemed to respect the culture for the most part and not try to make up half the culture for the parts they were too lazy to research like Hollywood does tend to do. Even thought it was cool is how this was 3/4 a Wolverine vs Yakuza movie. Sure he can slice up whoever but dealing with the intricate politics of the Yakuza can mentally be more troublesome.

Wolverine is such a good character it's tough to figure how anyone could go wrong. Well when the rest of the characters aren't even close to as to developed as the feral one that can be a start. Beside Yuki & sister everyone was just evil and busy betraying each other. Guess that makes it easy to hate them and want them to be sliced up but it just makes it tougher to follow or care about the story that's not involving Hugh Jackman.

Now, that may be forgivable because it is unfair to compare Wolvering to any other characters but what isn't forgivable is again the ridiculous CGI. The odd thing is it only sticks out for a quarter of the movie. The bed looked so goofy, the rope scene(which I felt potential in) and the samurai with a light saber. I get it's a cheap tool for filmakers to use but it really takes me out of the movie. Obviously those CGI objects don't exist. Makes me think of a play. The props are supposed to represent something that isn't there but the audience must play along since there's an understanding of theater's limitation. At least when it comes with props the actors can touch the props to an extent.

9. Lords of Salem (April) C+

Alright I sort of cheated even in my own review with my own rules I cheated. Frankly, a lot of thinks were missing in Lords of Salem. Of course, it was meant to be a somber tale but where Zombie does stellar in imagery he didn't follow through so well in story. Stuff just fell so in line for the witches, that the story went too smoothly with no bumps. House of 1000 Corpses has a similar situation but their characters were so much more interesting than the witches. I rated Pain & Gain higher but it didn't make the list due to the imagery of Lords of Salem going to outlast the comedic & tragic downfall of three idiots. Rob Zombie's movie are usually categorized but non have quite put the fear into me as this movie did. Sure there was a couple jump scares in Halloween but the kitchen scene where Sherri Moon walks past the dead is probably one of the the freaking with the deterioration of her psyche in the end. This goes before Wolverine cause a lot more thought and development into but stops at 9 cause the story and some of the characters don't quite measure up to the other top 8.